A shorty short story
Sam fell off the pier into the swampy lake, and an alligator bit him in the ass. Thank god Sam was wearing baggy britches, so baggy they looked like Granny bloomers had a three-way with a pair of harem pants and old, beat-up jeans. Unfortunately for Sam, however, he was wearing this abominable unorthodoxy mass of pants belted down low, low hanging low. Just a cut above his knees. Alligator got himself a butt burger! Except Sam was blessed with a scrawny li’l ass with buttcheeks poking out like the bent-up lids of old mayonnaise jars. The man did love his notorious, three-way love feasts. Brilliant fellow, indeed, Sam was. Is.
The alligator let go and thrashed about in the water as if trying to rinse its mouth out. Sam quickly stroked thru the grass and lily pads to shore and pulled himself up on the bank. Blood oozed from the gashes across his bony li’l butt. Blood trailed out back out into the lake. Looked more like raw crude oil than bright red blood.
“Well, that sucks!” Sam muttered as he stood up. “That frickin’ sucks, man!”
“Yeah,” I replied, finally coming out of my shock to open my mouth. “Sam, that was some blood, man! We gotta get you in to clean up those wounds and prevent infection. Get you a tetanus shot and some antibiotics. Rabies vaccine or whatever.”
“Ain’t no rabies to worry about,” he declared. “Wasn’t much of a bite, really. Yeah, hurts a little bit. But my ass is a bony ass, not much meat back there a’tall, and I think that gator got a mouthful of britches more than he did any meat off my skinny ass. Do need to get cleaned up, tho.”
Fortunately Sam was one of those rare people with an extremely high tolerance for pain. He had to watch himself amidst his surroundings. Nevertheless, he’ll be OK.
“What about Kooky Cooky?” I asked. The spacecraft was zooming thru the Solar System in an effort to explore the Kuiper Belt. Pin down Planet 9 once and for all.
Sam gazed silently up into the late-afternoon sky. Swarms of mosquitoes and gnats buzzed in the halcyon glow of a sun sliding down towards the canopy of trees. He knew as I did Kooky Cooky was far more than discovering so-called Nibiru. It was an AI robot craft sent up to spearhead the development of a hybrid cybersecurity shield – early warning system for part of our Solar System. To keep the Aliens out. Those Non-Human Intelligences seeking to pop in from other dimensions and parallel realms into our reality. Kooky Cooky was to experiment with algorithms suspected of automatically coding part of the solarial structures Humanity senses is somehow caging us in.
“I’m hungry,” Sam declared.
“You’re funny, you know so, right?” I said. “Can’t even feel an alligator biting you on the ass, but you feel it when your belly’s empty and growling for pizza!”
His stomach growled like a bear coming out of his bowels.
“Perfect timing,” he said and laughed.
“Yeah, let’s go.”
Kooky Cooky was busy flying past Neptune as we scooted back down the path to the jeep.
William Dudley Bass
Thursday 24 October 2024
Thursday 13 March 2025
Shoreline/Seattle, Washington
USA
Cascadia
Earth
Sol
Copyright © 2025 by William Dudley Bass. All Rights Reserved by the Author & his Descendants until we Humans establish Wise Stewardship over and for our Earth and Solarian Commons. Thank you.