A true lie that really happened just last week!
Got’dang’it all, I got abbyducted by Space Aliens from Outer Space last night! And impregnated! Impregnated aboard a UFO! All abbyduckyfied and impregnaciously messed up! Aboard a space ship shaped like a giant, flying zucchini squash. And I’m a man! A true human being! An Earthling! A Homo sapiens man! Got impregnated with a cluster of teeny-tiny baby octopus-crab hybrids plooped deep inside me bowels somewhere. Oh god. Goddess, too! Shit! What are we all gonna do? It’s worse than a face hugging chestbuster from Aliens. Yeah, remember Aliens? From 1986? Eeeewuh! And these Space Aliens who kidnapped me & my royal man nuggets had puppies & kitties, too! For breakfast! They feddem poor li’l ol’ cute puppies & kitties to each other, those hybrid octopuddy-crabby critters did! Tore those itty bitty mammals apart! Made me cringe! Then they impregnated me with a long, worm-like thang what looked like a, a, um, a giant squid pecker I guess!
Twas no fun! No, it was NOT!
They probed me anus & said they be lookin’ for Uranus. I told ’em, hell, it ain’t down in there but way up yonder. I pointed up high to the sky. Pointed with a crooked, li’l ol’ pinky finger I did, cuz they had me belly down, knees scrunched, and all lashed up tight. They said, “Earth Dude, lookit, you fool. If we turn yo body inside out, then all we can’t see becomes revealed as everything outside becomes yo insides. See?”
¡¡¡Oh, NO!!!
You don’t rilly wanna know about the evolutionary consequences of intelligent, deliberate panspermia, do ya?
So them dayum Extraterrestrials forced some kinda rotating light pipe all metal & as cold as South Pole ice all the way thru my internal torus donut & looked all the way down thru my mouth & up my skooty booty & on thru them port windows & out past the Moon, ow ow OW that hurt! OW!!! They all sounded like loons on a lake in Maine & then shouted in Space Alienese, “Yuppers, there’s Uranus!”
It’s Sunday morning in the Great Northwest, y’all, & I’m still alive & well twisted! Well educated by comic books & bad TV, yes, indeed! Hey, aren’t you?
There wasn’t any need for a massive space invasion by giant monster aliens from beyond the stars. No need to blow up the world. They simply downloaded software into our electrical systems and maximized the use of biological algorithms to discreetly hijack our computers, especially our smartfones. From there they penetrated every user with ghosty, digital, giant squid peckers no one could see unless they wore special sunglasses to see just how much they were being screwed by these invisible, giant squid wickie-dickies. Yeah, dammit, special sunglasses! Like back in 1988! Oh, you don’t remember, They Live? Go jump into the Internet & take a peek thru a pair of fancy ass sunglasses found in a back alley next to overflowing dumpsters. Because, yes, believe Ripley or not, “They” do live. Snatching us all up with squid peckers & tentacles & fuzzy brown teddy bears & smartfones & shit and be all a walking around in plain sight looking just like us just like in, oh god, Invasion of the Body Snatchers or V.
Besides, ever see the old, Star Trek classic, “The Trouble with Tribbles?” Remember those crazy ass tribbles as they fattened themselves on GMO grains and reproduced as if rabbits bred like amoebas? Messin’ up space faring folks’ warrior hairdos way back in the future in 1967? Well, these ETs from Outer Space were like those tribbles except they are slimy, salty octopus-crab hybrids who can make themselves unseen. They like to breed us and breed in us. Carnivorous, slurping, invisible little tribbles, too, armed with giant, stabbing, ugly ass squid peckers busy jabbing into any and everything moving like male, rape-festering bedbugs. No, these War of the Worldsy, tribble-like bedbugs pumped with human blood and wiggle-skittering like octopus-crabs have already enslaved you thru your electromagnetic fields spinning forth from all of our digital technologies. Pray for a major solar flare to fry the world energy grid and break us free from these little baby ass Cthulhus emerging from behind the emerald curtains of the Matrix of Oz. Yep, all ploppablobbin’ across the stage with the mighty Wizard of Oz himself screaming inside a nest of beaky ass tentacles.
So whatcha gonna do when there’s no one left to call? Call out to God? The Devil? Dial up them funny ass Ghostbusters from, whoa, 1984? Call out to Karellen from Childhood’s End to rescue us from these Outer Space monsters visiting us in our beds at night so we can’t tell what’s real anymore? Practice forgiveness, love, and nonviolence as we welcome monstrous masters demonstrating themselves as peaceful Visitors? Exterminate ourselves completely as did those who felt so alone back in New Athens so we don’t leave behind any offspring to suffer the same horrors of fate? But what if our evolution isn’t as a species but as transformation into a new species?
Outer Space is rich in myriad stars and planets. Among those from far beyond Uranus roam those with hungers so intense they swallow all light. Then again what if the light we so worship is really Lucifer and Saturn? Satan Iblīs? And so misunderstood? Shit, the wars between the Nommo and the Annunaki and by others against the Draco sprawl across eons of time and vast expanses of space, and we just keep as busy as ants before the flood. Do we just continue to crawl around gazing into our smartfones as snakes intoxicated with sun? Regardless of such matters, we can still choose acceptance, forgiveness, love, compassion, and and stand tall in our power. Even in the dark.
William Dudley Bass
Wednesday 21 November 2018
Monday 18 March 2019
Thursday 3 April 2019
Seattle, Cascadia
Earth
Sol
Outer Space
Inner Space
Copyright © 2018, 2019 by William Dudley Bass. All Rights Reserved until we humans establish our Earth and Solarian Commons. Thank you.