A little girl playing on the floor of the store melted my heart and opened my mind. In doing so she tilted the fabric of spacetime as one would water pour from a pitcher into a drinking glass. Doorways of mind and heart closed momentarily and yet holographically appeared as a line of portals between parallel universes. My timeline felt bifurcated. Both lines vanished into the future as quickly as turning the water tap in the kitchen sink on then off. All drains still lead to the same underground pipe. All was done inadvertently from her end, however, such was her power on those around her. She was one of the most adorable little toddlers I’ve ever been fortunate with whom to engage. This child was not only incredibly cute, but she also demonstrated a degree of presence unusual for any human being. Usually I’m one to shy away from the young children of others. This little girl with shaggy blonde hair, however, reeled me in with her playful curiosity, intense focus, and ability to seemingly anticipate adult commands.
Raised three girls as my own daughters. One of my own flesh and blood, the other adopted, and the other the stepdaughter raised from birth. Loved them all, mind you, each and every one as I chose to be their Dad. Still love them, all three of them. I choose love every day. Started parenting towards the end of my 34th year. Divorces in my middle-age years scattered us all apart, unfortunately, and various life challenges in the wake of the Great Global Recession dominated day to day affairs. Ideas of children growing up and perhaps having grandchildren receded far out of mind.
I am 60 years along, however, and feel far more middle-aged than old. Many of us aging outdoor adventurers and travelers, both coworkers and customers, often discuss the various trade-offs and consequences of our lifestyle choices at the store. My job was in education and a type of trainer or guide as much as the work was in sales. After all, the foundation for any successful business are the many relationships between human beings.
So there she was, an absolute, golden delight. The day and date was Monday the 14th of October 2019. She was unaware of such chrono-thangies, tho, as twas another fun day for her to be fully and yet unconsciously in the present moment. Stood up and bounced her bottom up and down on her wiggly little feet, crawled up and flung herself down on a sleeping pad used for camping, and attempted to hug the whole mattress as if it was a big ol’ teddy bear. Then she drew her knees up under her tummy and stuck her li’l butt up in the air. The elderly couple with her were her grandparents, and they looked fit enough to still go hike, climb, and camp outside in the mountains. Indeed, they had already planned another such trip as it was mid-October and Autumn in the high country.
I did caution the little girl not to jump on the camping pads as if they were trampolines. When she looked at me with puzzlement, I smiled and invited her to play on these inflate pads all she wanted but, please, just don’t jump on them. OK?
“No jump,” she whispered back at me in an affirmative tone to inform me she understood. Her grandparents chuckled.
Demonstrated different types of air valves on several sleeping pads for the older couple. Their granddaughter was intrigued by these mechanical parts with air whooshing in and out. She attempted to close a valve on one of the pads. I then showed her how to twist it shut. She tried again, but was unsuccessful.
I chuckled and told the little girl, “it’s OK to ask for help” to close the valve.
“Help,” she said very quietly yet quickly as she looked over at me to catch my eye then looked back down at the valve in her hands. So together we turned and closed the valve. I did most of the work, but her hand was there.
For the first time I imagined myself being with grandchildren, something I’ve held at bay forever. Like, oh no, not now. Our Seattle family feels so fractured and scattered with different factions, some far from home, overlapping with others. I wanted my kids to grow up first, to graduate from college and to earn advance degrees. I wanted them travel the world, to find lovers they trust and who respect them. I wanted my children to establish well-paying careers where they feel both satisfied yet hungry to create while also being of service unto others. Wanted them happy and, more importantly, to feel on purpose. Grandchildren? Amidst all those things? Wow!
After sharing this encounter with Gwen, one of my ex-wives, she shared of a recent lake kayak trip with her “old boyfriend” Carol while they babysat another little girl for a mutual friend. Gwen texted me, “Yes, I get to exercise my grandma muscles …,” and the child “is starting to talk a lot, too. Carol usually watches her with me so he can get his grandpa fix…”
“Lol,” I texted back.
“We even took her kayaking.”
“Really? Wow”
“Short trip out on Lake Washington She fell asleep between my legs about halfway thru the trip.”
Back in the store at work, the little tyke hopped down from the low bench-bed where sleeping pads were demoed to play, play, play right there in the store among a pile of sleeping bags and camping pads.
“Time to go,” one of her grandparents said to the little girl on the floor. She stood up and toddled along after them without looking back even once. Life was full and her boat had long since sailed. As I stood there, surprised at my own wistfulness, I felt unexpected images of her years later as a young woman outdoors in the mountains with her little children of her own. I wonder if I would ever recognized her, at least energetically, if I ever met her again as a old man, this little girl who once played on the floor and asked me for help.
Wondered what her name was, too. Didn’t hear any of her grandparents call her by any name, but then again I’m hard of hearing. Stood up with my arms full of sleeping bags, watched the little girl and her grandparents disappear into the crowd, and realized not knowing any names was necessary. The moment was perfect.
William Dudley Bass
Monday 14 October 2019
Tuesday 15 October 2019
Thursday 12 December 2019
Saturday 21 December 2019
Seattle, Washington
USA
Cascadia
Sol
Copyright © 2019 by William Dudley Bass. All Rights Reserved by the Author & his Descendants until we Humans establish Wise Stewardship over and for our Earth and Solarian Commons. Thank you.