ABOLISH THE HORRORS!
Free download of Cookie Monster image from clipartmag.com.
C‘mon, advertising wizards, WTF are all of you doing pushing cookies and cookie pop-ups on us? It ain’t working. [Imagine this space churning with profanity and fed-up energy!] We HATE them! What’s taking so long for y’all to notice? These corporacratic “tools” are not even addictive so don’t even try to pretend it’s digital fentanyl. Screw fentanyl anyway as opiates are a scourge as bad as any nasty viral epidemic.
Please, for God’s sake, even if you’re an atheist, study basic 21st Century human behavioral psychology. We’re not all slobbering capitalistic Pavlovian dogs! Yes, we struggle with overconsumption, pollution, and affluenza, sure, and we all HATE WEBSITE COOKIES! How cruel it is to tease one with some faint, nostalgic reminder of hot, freshly baked chocolate chip cookies hoping such memories of happy holiday treats will make us consent to installing cookies? My goodness, I rarely write the way I am here in the now. I feel so exasperated, frustrated, and angry as this mini-essay unfolds into a diatribe as businesses continue to bobble senselessly along the edges of the Charybdis of Cyberspace.
Cookies do not help your businesses, corporatocrats! They clog up everything and choke off any joy at attempting to secure a flight to anywhere, purchase a product, or attempt research. They are abusive. Intrusive! Invasive! Cookies and all personalized tracking crap is legalized fraud and legalized spam scams. Cookies constitute a smothering, suffocating flood of corporate surveillance. Stop the third-party nonsense. In fact, keep it simple by abolishing all parties! Something our nation’s Founders warned the politicians of the future, by the way, and something politicians today would be wise to reconsider.
OK, shake your head and roll your eyes yet? Sick of my tirade? If so, then you’re not listening nor do you give a hoot in a tree at midnight or care about anything except your own lazy ease and convenience and diseased sense of entitled profit. And, people, stop feeding these online vampires! Let’s stop turning ourselves into carcasses for profit. Refuse to do business with any business that slings cookie pop-ups at you and ask you to remove your ad-blockers. Yes, firewall scammers and paywall leeches, you greedy lampreys, we’re coming for you next, LOL, so stop it and make it easier and safer for everyone. If I had to pay a stupid subscription fee for every blocked article for topics I’m researching, my goodness, I’d be shelling out hundreds if not thousands of dollars of ridiculous subscription fees. There are always ways to legitimately find information online somewhere else. You may be surprised how much your businesses may actually profit from liberating your companies from cookies, pop-ups, fees, and other anti-customer nuisances. Wake up, grind yourself some organic, whole-bean coffee, brew them, drink a coupla cups, and see all the ways cookies and their repulsive pop-ups are gross, toxic, parasites. Indeed, they are killing the Internet.
There are numerous online resources sharing what steps to take to remove and expunge cookies, to workaround the darn things, how to stop cookie pop-ups and adblocker removal requests, and how to breathe. Thank you, aye, thank you for considering this rascally proposal.
William Dudley Bass
Wed 26 April 2023
Revised Fri 28 April 2023
Shoreline/Seattle, WA
USA
Copyright © 2023 by William Dudley Bass. All Rights Reserved by the Author & his Descendants until we Humans establish Wise Stewardship over and for our Earth and Solarian Commons. Thank you.