Microwaving my Blog

Doing everything one isn't supposed to, zapping a tin foil hat & all.

Doing everything one isn’t supposed to, zapping a tin foil hat & all.

Goodness, my Blog must be a tinfoil hat. In desperation I stuck what I loved in the microwave. Gonna transmute tin and wool into GOLD! Maybe even transform positive influences from inspired dreams into birthin’ out some reality! Yeah! What a mess! A bloody, damn mess! Woo Hoo! Sparks arced from brain to computer screen. I channeled the dead but dreaded whatever it was as it wasn’t human, or worse than demons, a mad old blue-haired biddy floating up from her vacation lounge chair down in the Underworld to grasp my face with crooked fingernails and smother me with lipstick and bad breath. Ow. Horrors of childhood. Birth’s a mess all right, and I’m alive to add mine to make our world a more positive place.

I’m writing every day. But not posting every day. Back toward the end of October I attended a meeting of a Blogger’s Circle that met every Tuesday afternoon in Bellevue, Washington. I hadn’t been since my first visit back in August. I longed for the company of other writers and wanted to learn what actions do I take to publish and market and effectively do so at low cost?

Cuz I’d lost my job, investments, and homes in this Great Recession. After short-selling our homes, my family and I moved into a beautiful rental with what was left with the possibility of buying it someday. Three months later faulty wires in the wall ignited a blazing inferno in which we lost everything but our lives. So reeling a little bit still, just a tad here and there, if you will, so I turned back to writing to help heal my self.

Found this amazing group of bloggers facilitated by Deborah Drake, who pokes and prods us to challenge ourselves to simply do it. And so I joined with them in commitment to posting blogs a minimum of five times a week with a minimum of 100 words each. Plus comment occasionally on each other’s work. Our November Blogarama, as we called it, our spin off on National Novel Writing Month, thus began.

Most of what I write is long. Articles and essays. As if I’m writing for some arcane journal, tho it seems many of the blogs for news media are just as long or longer. I write so much in my spare time, often staying up too late, I haven’t managed to carve out time to really study and figure out how to “work” my new website innards. I haven’t carved enough meat off the side of the tic toc turkey to sit down and watch how-to videos and risk scrambling my blog into zombie brains.

Maybe building a website in a hurry is a mistake. Putting it in the microwave oven might fix it, or perhaps jumpstart my own inner Frankenstein.

I love to create. Love art. Love to write. Love the power of letters, words, and punctuation as symbols encoded with information transferred into our minds. But darn, I’m messin’ around with this WordPress trying to build my new website while blogging all the while. I “should be” finishing up the last two chapters of my book, distill a mini-e from it, and figure out how to publish and market both versions.

Perhaps blogging is a mistake. I’m more of an essayist, an article writer. I spend as much or more time researching as well as crafting prose. Unless I’m writing fiction. Then it flows as water down a mountain canyon, trickling and gushing, carving and plunging, and shoving logs up into bushes and boulders. Until I post it, looks great, then go reread it and find not one but about a dozen stupid little errors I failed to catch but they LOOK REALLY BIG RIGHT DUMB AND NOW! oops, see what I mean…

I stare ruefully as my messed-up WordPress website. I’m quite proud of it. I find it easy to work with. I actually LOVE WordPress.org. But nab-nibbling, cussified little things pop up. Things don’t go as expected. And I spend far too much time untangling the unexpected. Then I’m late for everything else. Oh, yummo!

My awareness becomes aware of my own irritation, impatience, frustration, and embarrassment cuz I sho ain’t lookin’ good.

What happened to what I thought was a WordPress website somehow showed up as primarily a Blog site? I wanted a WP website with a blog or blogs on it as part of the site. I want to have different things on my home page including links to e-commerce.

How come individual lines in a poem are automatically double-spaced in WordPress? Same thing for when I sign off at the end of a blog post with my name and date. Instead of staying single-spaced they are double-spaced and nothing I do seems to undo the do. I fear I may be mixing up pages and categories, and I don’t quite get tags. Where is the SEO portion to be found? I see it “inside” the November Blogarama but not in mine. Oh, do I have to purchase one?

Simple things fuddlebe me. How do I work RSS feeds to market my writing? My attempted to use links/broken-links to have a long blog feed in to another page on another site backfired with strange weirdness.

I can’t even figure out the simple instructions to put myself in Deborah’s Blogroll. And I can’t seem to clean out my blogroll without generating electromagnetic disturbances.

Interesting many of the few comments my new website gather are from total strangers. Announcing my work elsewhere draws comments straight to where I announce it. And then I realize, hey, it’s crappy old comment spam. I clicked on one website and darn, there were photos of naked human beings contorted into positions of ecstatic irreverence. At least they were all adults. Others were in broken English and made little sense. Several were from different emails but repeated one another’s exact same phrases. These people try to sell me weird stuff.

Why in hell would I want to order vacuum cleaners from some nonexistent country such as Abu Eire? Abu is “father of” in Arabic and is a prefix to Arab place names, but originally arose in Ancient Mesopotamia from the Sumerian God of Plants. Then Abu ended up being the name of a monkey in a silly Walt Disney movie. I looked it all up. Wikipedia says so.

Eire is Ireland. But Abu Eire? Jeeez… Well, why not? Much of what really happened during the transition from Ancient to Medieval periods of history remains lost. It is noteworthy, however, both Ireland and the Islamic Empire experienced Golden Ages at about the same time while the rest of Europe and much of “Near” Asia languished in the Dark Ages.

I deleted most of these alien comments. Kept a couple, though, to assuage my ego. Had to have a little company.

Awww, shoot. I have to sit still and study videos of how to move little widdles around with a twiddle. I was born with ants and bees in my diapers, so I can’t sit still. Especially after I drink coffee.

Don’t get me wrong – I really like WP. Blogger was OK, simple and easy, but after a few years I felt hungry for more webturkey. Weebly wasn’t a good fit for me, either. I liked what WP.org offered me for such a low price versus the .com ones. I want to migrate my old Blogger Blogs over into my new WP site, only to find out it is an expensive and cumbersome exercise with some recommending against it (to keep my name out there on-line on old and thus established blogs, plus it can be difficult and expensive) and others all for it (consolidate all eyes into the one place I plan to market from and establish one central hub where I rule).

Oh goodness, I’m lost. I’ve learned, however, while it’s best inexperienced first-time “losties” to stay put so as to be found and rescued, experienced losties have learned to push on by reading the world around them to either escape or die hanging on with bare hands to Devil’s Club in some steep, mossy wet ravine in the Olympics while a bear gnaws on my hindquarters.

OK, I need help. Fast forward me on my website, and edit my book. So I can publish and market. And…well, I must generate income! Even handfuls of worthless fiat money are welcomed.

Thank you.


William Dudley Bass
26 November 2011
Seattle, Washington


Copyright © 2011, 2016 by William Dudley Bass. All Rights Reserved until we Humans establish Wise Stewardship of and for our Earth and Solarian Commons. Thank you.




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